Gain sight: Look
For the final part of this long blog post, I'll begin by repeating what I said in my very first post...
Your mission, if you choose to accept it, – “your job” as "a parent" – is to love them...
Even, maybe especially when, it is "hard"...
Such as when you are so tired at the end of the day, that the thought of doing anything but collapsing into bed is beyond you & you feel you have nothing more to give... choose to love anyway.
Or, maybe when they are not so little, they don't adoringly look at you the same as they did when they were 5 & in fact, maybe even look at you as though YOU are the enemy... choose to love anyway.
And, when there is nothing "in it for you", there is no immediate "reward" of a big hug or even any apparent reciprocation, no "I love you too mom"... choose to love anyway.
Love because you are being given the gift to do so; because YOU are being given the gift & privilege to love & care for them in a way that no one else on this earth is given to, nor can.
Choose love anyway... unconditionally, with your whole heart & without any expectation.
Love because YOU are being given the gift to do so.
Now, at this point, I am going to ask you, to please take a minute to stop...think...& ask for yourself,
"What does that really mean?"
That one phrase, that one "job description": "to love them", encompasses so, SO much.
For sake of my own lack in being able to articulate in words every expression that could even come close to being adequate in fully explaining this, please thoughtfully consider the following, that I have shared before, as, at the very least, an attempt to articulate this truth, in general:
“To see, & reflect back to them the Truth."
(*Read this blog post "This was given to me almost 18 years ago...")
This first requires you have sight. That you see. THAT requires, that you first LOOK. This easily overlooked requirement to actually see, need a little bit of discussion...
These truths, that we are given to see - IF we first stop & take the time - even the effort, to LOOK - are "bigger than us". They are more real, more grand & even more beautiful than we can even fully comprehend. Just look around you & above you at the displays & "witnesses", in of all of Gods creations - including, even culminating in Gods masterpiece: the one and only YOU... your child... each and every individual human being; truly, wonderfully & fearfully (in great awe & reverence) made. (Refer to part 1 in this blog post series "Can you see it?" I also love how this person articulates this truth.)
As human parents alone, we did not come up with these truths. We could not have even come close to anything so grand all on our own, as these truths of who, what, how & WHY we are here: as individuals, as couples, as children, as parents & as a family.
These truths are pre-existent, self-evident & self-existent truths...
They existed before we were even here, or had any idea of anything so beautiful & so grand.
They cannot be legislated away. Although it is true we can choose to ignore or reject or disregard or abuse these truths, we cannot do so without serious, natural consequence.
And, they do not "need" us to be. Whether we choose to accept or reject them, believe or disbelieve, does not change their existence. They are, just the same. The truths remain, unchanged & unharmed...simply waiting for us to learn and to choose them for ourselves. And in that, thus the beautiful gifts, the purposes, the fruits - for which they are existent, as well.
These truths that we get to learn, gain sight of, CHOOSE for ourselves... & grow in each & everyday, come from & are instituted by something, by Someone, MUCH bigger, much more Grand, much more Intelligent & much more perfectly... EVERYTHING (loving, patient, kind, aware, merciful, just, instructive, etc., etc., etc.) than each of us ever can be all ON OUR OWN.
In that, we often necessarily find ourselves in the vitally significant predicament, in the truly significant gift, of being aware (sometimes very painfully so) of our own shortcoming in thus what a grand task is being given & offered us; finding ourselves needing to LOOK to (to even cry unto at times!) the One - Who has the sight & ability that is likewise bigger than us - for the sight we necessarily lack, for which we are constantly so in need.
Look to the Truth, to learn the truth. Open your heart & mind, even if ever so slightly, to seeing what may not be seen - especially at first glance or "first reaction".
Look: Seek first to see. Seek first to understand.
ASK.
Gain sight.
One of the habits that we get to learn & adopt, is ASKING.
Asking questions FIRST, to understand.
Asking BEFORE we knee-jerk response, into jumping in reaction, based upon a quick & presumed (which often - more often then not - is an incorrect & erred) assumption.
This does require us to teach ourselves - by choosing it in one moment, then the next, then the next - to STOP when a situation arises, really LOOK to see what is going on & ASK - seeking to understand FIRST, before you even open your mouth.
Give them (your child, your spouse, etc) the benefit of doubting your fears & your own "unbelief". (Unbelief is more than not believing, it is believing in a falsity at the same time.) Ask questions in faith, believing - even trusting in the Truth, instead.
Asking is an effort, which is an action required, when looking to gain truth - for which we often & even necessarily, so very much lack. We need to ask, first. We need to look.
What you will discover – what you will come to see, will begin to change hearts: yours & your child’s, & thus the home you share.
We are never alone in raising our children. We are all continually learning & progressing (however incrementally slow that may or may not be!). We are meant to seek understanding. And with all that we are, do our true best with what we do have, & are given, in any given moment.
Just as we need always keep in mind, that we do not know it all, remember: we are meant to seek & parent alongside Him who does – He who knows each & every one of us & our children best, He who has entrusted & lent them to our care & up-bringing here; as they were His far before they became “ours“.
It’s okay to be "a work in progress"; in fact, in that we are getting & doing this right! We are meant and given to learn, to progress, to develop. It is okay to not know it all right now, to seek learning, sight and support. This truly is all perfectly designed for us to do so, and it is a beautiful gift, for each & everyone of us.
Until next time…
Take care & may God bless you & yours,
D.D.
