Assessments: Relationships & Self
Below you will find some assessment tools to support you in your experience & process of learning & living the gift of self-government - within your own heart & mind, & within your precious relationships.
Relationship Assessment
Person (whose relationship are you assessing):
How do I connect best with this person?
What does this person do to get my attention?
How do I respond?
How do I try to get this person to do what I want?
How/do I power struggle with this person?
How do I see this person?
How do I see their choices and behavior?
Do I trust that this person wants my happiness/has my best interest at heart, as well as their own?
Do I trust that this person wants to do good?
Do I feel love for this person daily?
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What do I do when I don’t feel like I love them?
Do I treat them any differently?
When this person makes mistakes, do I accept that these things happened, care for what is in my role to do so and move on, or do I take it personal, maybe as a threat to me in some way and get upset — and possibly emotionally controlling?
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Self-assessment & agency in action (self-government)
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Learning/teaching self-government = Freedom from emotional bondage = Learning/choosing/able to truly love.
This process below is transforming old patterns & “triggers” into new pathways & “cues” for choosing what is truly wanted. This can be used in the moment of a “triggered” response, practiced in a quiet moment to prepare how you will handle such situations or walked through as an opportunity to reflect, looking a little deeper, caring for what is yours to do so:
1. *Pause - know that these emotions/feelings are “traffic signals”; communications to & for you, simply indicating what you are thinking/how seeing/what experiencing.
*And, take a/some deep breath(s). Bounce on heels &/or shake arms & legs a bit. (Addressing the chemicals).
2. *Ask:
“What am/was I feeling? ”(Describe from a more observant view.)
"What did I/normally do I think that led/leads to this feeling?”
*Describe: “Just now, when _______, I felt/feel _________. I saw it as/was thinking/had the thought _________.”
3. *Now, ask a thinking/truth seeking question to come more fully back into your thinking brain & open your heart and mind to the truth:
“Is this automatic thought the truth? The whole story? What is “the rest of the story”, the full/er picture here? What is the truth I need to acknowledge here? Do I need to seek more understanding/a higher perspective here?”
*Do so. Pray. Ask. Seek understanding.
*Reconnect with/to the truth. Breath, center & ground in it.
4. “I am now replacing that auto thought with this truth: ____________.”
5. “And, I now do this:______________.” (What skill/loving action/tools/words do you now have to show up as you are given to, in the situation before you?)
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Or, for a less detailed version…
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“When ________, I think/see it as ______ and feel _______.”
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“What is the truth; “the rest of the story”/full picture here?”
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“I now see __________ and now choose to _________.”
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